so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
