I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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