Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
