Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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