that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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