9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
