Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
