i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
