I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
