New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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