Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
