i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Randomize
