eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize