I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
