I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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