John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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