just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
