My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
third nipple confirmed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
