Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
