my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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