it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
