And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
