just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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