Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
this just has baby written all over it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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