I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
