I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
