So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
