You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
