It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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