Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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