You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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