I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
