Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
zippers are such a cool invention
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My pussy is not your playground.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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