Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
