Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
