Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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