Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
