So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
