I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
