I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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