remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
