you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
