Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
