So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
