dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
