If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
