I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I need water and some morals
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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