Just fell off a train. Bad.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
