We're like a lot better than the average bears
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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