he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
