Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
