All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My penis needs a shock collar
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
