OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
