i think my mom watched the whole time
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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